Guiding Question 3: Do you write only in the first person and not spend too much time describing anyone or anything else?
Use my one-third-two-third rule. You may not spend more than 1/3 of the essay describing anything other than your own activities and goals.
That group, person, or community is not going to college. You are.
Here are a couple of writing patterns you can try:
1. Start in past in at most two paragraphs and then move to present and show who you are in last three paragraphs. Please mention one core way you are making a different-an activity, job, community service, etc.
2. Start in the present with a story of someway you are making a difference and then connect to the past or community or person. Then in last two paragraphs talk again about who you and how you are making a difference in your community.